Dick Cheney Is A First-Class A-Hole

Wednesday night, hypocritical jackassVice President Dick Cheney sat for a televised interview with CNN reporter Wolf Blitzer. The Vice President was grilled on a litany of issues (mostly about the Iraq war) that emerged in the wake of President Bush's State of the Union Address the night before. Cheney barely answered any of the questions Blitzer threw at him; dodging, grimacing, and giving half-hearted, monotone responses that would make Patriots coach Bill Belichick seem like a lively, articulate fountain of information by comparison.

We umm... lost today, and it was tough. See you next year.

After listening to the curmudgeonly Cheney duck all the heated Iraq issues, Blitzer decided to address Cheney's lesbian daughter Mary, and her recent pregnancy. More specifically, a statement made by conservative Christian leader James Dobson and his organization Focus on Family. Here's the transcript from FOXNews.Com:

“Mary Cheney’s pregnancy raises the question of what’s best for children. Just because it’s possible to conceive a child outside of the relationship of a married mother and father doesn’t mean it’s best for the child,” Blitzer read, quoting the organization.

Asked if Cheney wanted to respond, the vice president paused and stared at Blitzer before saying, "No, I don't."

Blitzer, seemingly spooked by the chill that pervaded the room, tried to smooth the ruffled feathers by offering his opinion of Mary and her older sister, Elizabeth Cheney.

“We like your daughters. Believe me, I’m very, very sympathetic to Liz and to Mary. I like them both. That was just a question that’s come up and it’s a responsible, fair question,” he said.

Cheney said he, too, thinks the world of his daughters and added, "I think, frankly, you’re out of line with that question. ... I just fundamentally disagree with your perspective.”

So basically, it's perfectly acceptable for the Vice President's daughter to have a lesbian relationship, give birth to a child, and raise that child in a "non-traditional" family environment that doesn't involve a man and a woman, but it's completely unacceptable, unethical, and immoral for anyone else. Unbelievable. What hypocritical bullshit. Way to go, Dick. I can only imagine the shit-storm Republicans and conservative Evangelical wackos would unleash on someone like Barack Obama if he were in a similar situation with his children and gave a response like Cheney's.

Edited out of the broadcast piece was Wolf Blitzer's final question of the interview; a question that seemed to enrage the Vice President even more so than Blitzer's probings into the Mary Cheney controversy. However, the staff here at boxcar astronaut was fortunate enough to obtain a transcript of the exchange:

Wolf Blitzer: One last question Mr. Vice President, if I may. Can you comment on the rumors that you are, in fact, the notorious Batman villain knows as "The Penguin"?

Dick Cheney: I have no comment to those ridiculous rumors, but I'll say one thing about that caped do-gooder Batman: he better stay out of the Penguin's affairs, or else he's going to get a rainbow-colored, tear-gas releasing umbrella up his ass!. Waugh waugh waugh!