I Wanna Go There!

Christmastime is here once again boys and girls, and that means two things: fighting for parking spots at the mall, and A Christmas Story marathons!

Speaking of Ralphie and friends, a former Navy Intelligence Officer named Brian Jones bought the house used in the movie and decided to restore it exactly as it was in the film! He also set up a small museum in the house which will be open to public. That's just about the coolest thing I've heard in a while. Apparently, this guy also sells replicas of the infamous "leg lamps" as seen in the flick.


Here's how the house looks today. Check out the full story here.

Slut Trifecta

Holy horrible whores, Batman!

Paris, Ho-han, and Britney together in the same car? Frankly, my brain exploded when I saw this and all of the funny shit I could think of saying here flew right out with it. So we're gonna have a little caption contest. The person who comes up with the funniest caption for this atrocity of a photo will win a Playstation 3. Only, substitute "Playstation 3" with "my unending appreciation and admiration", because I don't really have a Playstation 3. Even if I did, no hilarious comment about these three walking STD's is worth giving away an easy $2500 Ebay listing for.

Remember kids, floss after brushing and never get your penis anywhere near those car seats.

Ride The Royal Rainbow

Okay, Thanksgiving weekend is over. I'm happy to report that I didn't sustain any grevious bodily injuries during a "Black Friday" shopping trip (because I stayed home and watched DVD's like a true lazy sonofabitch). I did, however, venture out to what could be considered an even more dangerous locale than the malls Friday night: downtown Springfield.

Though it was frightening, I survived thanks to large cups of gin, 80's tunes, and some good companionship. Saturday I spent a few hours with a friend playing the most bizarre video game of all-time. It's horrifying, but fun and addicting as hell. The music has to be heard to be believed. Sunday, Tom and the Patriots eeked out a victory over "Da Bears", and afterwards I met up with the Madfrog to look over some of the webcomic stuff. So far it all looks incredible and I can't wait to tell you all more about it. There will be more details in the future, just keep checking back.

Thanksgiving

I want to wish everyone who reads this blog a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. I don't have much to be thankful for this year, but I'm still here, so I've still got a fighting chance. I'll take it. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Nerd Humor

So I went to my local Target this afternoon and said to the sales clerk, "Excuse me, I need a Wii."
"The bathrooms are over there sir," she replied.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Misery Spawns Creativity

Today I sat down in front of Microsoft Word and started writing a screenplay. I got through three whole pages, which is the most I've written (blogs not included) in ages. It's a small story, something that isn't going to set the world on fire by any means, but it feels really good to get some creativity out while I am struggling through what is easily the worst period of my life. I've also been writing some comic strips which will hopefully (with the extraordinary talents of the Madfrog) become a regularly updated, full-color webcomic someday. I'll keep ya'll posted.

Lookin' For Answers...

So I'm sure you've all noticed how much entertainment/celebrity related content there is on this blog lately. A lot of it is here because I have fun writing about it, but it also serves as a deterrent from writing about my personal life which, to be quite honest, is difficult and frustrating right now. After a couple of months of pondering my next move, I had a thought that would involve a lot of risk on my part:

Basically, it would involve returning to school to get my Masters Degree in September 2007. At that point, I would be 33 years old, and if it takes me a full two years to get the degree, I would graduate a month after my 35th birthday. When I really sat down and thought about that, 35 didn't sound too bad. If I got a good paying job right out of the gate, that would give me about five solid years to save up money for a down payment on a house by age 40 (which is the new 30, if you believe what they say).

Now, the tricky part is paying for all of this. Since staying at my house until I am 35 is absolutely unthinkable, I thought what I might do is take out extra loans and grants to cover the cost of an apartment rental for two years. If I stay at a school nearby, the actual tuition might not be too severe, so it could work. I'd essentially be gambling on the fact that this extra schooling would land me a job that paid well enough to pay off the loans in a timely manner.

If I take out all this money, and I end up struggling to find a job (like I've been for the past five years), I'll be up shit's creek without the proverbial paddle...hopelessly mired in debt for the rest of my life.

So, I turn to you loyal readers...should I give it a shot? Let me know what you think. I'd appreciate it.

Reason To Hate The New York Yankees # 134,327

Apparently, New York Yankees shortstop / Lord of all cocky douchebags Derek Jeter is hooking up with Jessica Biel. This news comes not long after he allegedly had sex with the hottest woman on Planet Earth, Scarlett Johannsen. (Not to mention other relationships with Maria Carey and Nick Lachey's current girlfriend Vanessa Manillo).


For fuck's sake Derek, why don't you just come to my house, kick my dog, pour sugar in my gas tank, bitchslap my Mother, then laugh hysterically like the "evil blonde guy" from an 80's teen movie while you're at it??? God, I fucking hate the Yankees. Somebody put a stop to this!

The NEW Internet, Now With Only 1% Porn!!!

I'm not sure I buy this, but according to this article, the Internet is only 1% porn.

In spite of the seeming ubiquity of pornographic material on the interwebs, only one percent of webpages are porn, according to a study commisioned by the US Government.

UPDATE: After doing some extensive research, this study turns out to be true. Here's how the other 99% of Internet content breaks down:

24%-Coverage of the Playstation 3 and Nintendo Wii launches, complete with stories about rich douchebags paying hobos to sit in line for them so they can purchase multiple units and sell them on ebay.
6%-Web gambling and Texas Hold 'em sites.
4% -Travel and vacation sites.
12%-World of Warcraft nerd websites, chock full of weird drawings of naked elves and creepy fan-fiction stories detailing the hideous sexual exploits of wizards and mountain trolls.
8%-Ebay and other auction sites.
45%-Shitty blogs full of people bitching and whining about their pathetic lives.

Finally today, here's a little something to get you in the Christmas spirit...Twisted Sister style:

Inward Singing

I'm a huge Tenacious D fan, and even though I'm piss poor, I simply had to bust out the credit card today and pick up their second official CD The Pick Of Destiny. Unfortunately, since the album is also the official soundtrack to the Pick of Destiny movie, it's really quite a letdown and doesn't work as a true follow-up to the awesome first studio recording by "The D". Hopefully, the songs will play much better when matched up with the visuals in the context of the movie. (Don't get me wrong, there is still some laugh-out-loud hilarious shit and tasty kickass jams here, but I was just expecting a little more from Jables and Rage Kage).

Despite this minor disappointment, I can't wait to plop down my ten bucks to see the story of the self-proclaimed "Greatest Band in the World" in theaters Wednesday, November 22nd. Before that however, I'll be seeing James Blon--err...Bond in Casino Royale on Friday the 17th. My two buddies are far more hyped for this than I am, but I dig most of the Bond flicks and I hear this new one is pretty badass.

Geekiest Post Ever...

Before we go any further here, I suggest that those of you with an intolerance for all things geeky, nerdy, or any subject matter that deals with the world of Sci-Fi/Fantasy fandom, stop reading this immediately and go Google yourself some porn or something.

With that out of the way, I can now gush about one of the coolest days that I've had in quite some time. Today a couple of my buddies and I ventured out to the United Fan Con, a Sci-Fi Convention held at a local hotel. Normally I wouldn't be all that geared up to wade through packs of unwashed Trekkies peddling dusty collectibles and signed 8X10's of various Starfleet captians or Buffy cast members, but this year was different...this year SHE was going to be there:

Yep, my celebrity crush, the beautiful and talented Jewel Staite. Jewel plays the adorable, flirty ship's mechanic in the film Serenity, as well as Firefly, the short-lived TV series the movie was based on. There were also several other notable genre stars at the show, including Grace Park (Boomer from Battlestar Galactica), Peter Tork and Davey Jones from the Monkees, Linda Blair (the little girl in The Exorcist), and Captian Kirk himself, William Shatner! (Shatner was only there Saturday, however).

I couldn't care less about these people, though. I was there for one reason and one reason only: meet Jewel and get an autographed picture! Fortunately for me, a friend of mine was one of the event organizers, and her generosity totally blew me away. I was hooked up with a beautiful 8X10 of Jewel, so all I had to do was get in line and pay for my autograph. After a brief wait, I was finally face to face with Jewel and let me tell you, this woman is FLAWLESS. She is spectacularly gorgeous in real life, and she couldn't have been any nicer. I, on the other hand, was a nervous mess. I don't even remember what I blurted out to her after "I'm a huge fan...", but I'm sure it was incredibly stupid and/or incoherent. Nevertheless, I walked away with an ear to ear smile, gleefully clutching my new prize posession:


Yep, it's personalized. Jealous, aint'cha?

Anyway, thanks to my wonderful friend, I was also able to get into Jewel's Q&A session, in which she fielded queries from the Sci-Fi crowd that ranged from interesting to completely idiotic. Her stories about the ongoing prank war between her and Nathan Fillion (another Firefly cast member), were funny as hell, as were her anecdotes about trying to land a role in Joss Whedon's (the director/writer of Serenity) upcoming movie adaptation of Wonder Woman. So, if you are a total geek like me, it was a great day all around. I also got a hug from a cute girl dressed up as a pirate!

Before I go, I want to say congratulations to my dear friend Tiana, who recently gave birth to a baby boy named Sammy. I wish her and her husband Ryan all the best with this new addition to their family. Love you guys!

Spider-Man 3 Trailer!!!

Spider-Man 3 Trailer!!! You look!! Is Nice!!! If it not success, Kirsten Dunst will be execute!!!

Blue Tuesday

Tuesday, November 7, 2006 was a damned great day. It was a day Americans decided to give a big "fuck you" to George W. Bush and all of his Republican cronies who have been running this country into the ground relentlessly for almost six years now. The Democratic party seized complete control over the House of Representatives, and during LOST tonight, it was announced that Democrat George Webb finally won the deciding Senate seat in Virginia after much confusion over Republican George "Macaca" Allen, giving the Dems full control over the Senate as well. (Unfortunately, that jackass Allen is going to demand a re-count, so we won't have an official end to all of this until sometime before Christmas).

Earlier today we also got rid of that condescending, incompetent jerk Donald Rumsfeld, thanks to a calculated political move by our beloved President. Sure, it's nice to be rid of the Secretary of Defense, but the move completely overshadowed what should have been a day of glory for the Democratic party, which is exactly what the President wanted to do. Mission accomplished, George. Enjoy it while you can, because the political party that actually gives a shit about working families, struggling students, and our beleaguered troops is about to make your life very difficult.

Fuckin' great day...

All-Walken Update

Christopher Walken is, without a doubt, one of the greatest actors/pop-culture personalities of all-time. Whether it's delivering one of his bone-chilling soliloquies in hardcore flicks like The Deer Hunter or True Romance, or making audiences laugh hysterically in an SNL skit like The Continental or Bruce "I Need MORE COWBELL" Dickinson, Walken has solidified his place in the Pantheon of Coolness. That having been said, I stumbled across two juicy Walken tidbits on the Internets this evening which will have all of you Walken-lovers either jumping for joy or scratching your heads in utter disbelief. For me, it was a little of both.

First up, click here for the trailer for BALLS OF FURY, in which Walken plays a pseudo-Asian crimelord who hosts underground ping-pong tournaments. Yes, you heard me right, he basically plays a whacked-out version of the Han character from the Bruce Lee classic Enter The Dragon. It looks pretty decent, but the guy they got to play the ping pong champion recruited to infiltrate Walken's tournament is a complete Jack Black clone (I'm sure they tried to get him first but he was probably off shooting the Tenacious D movie).

The second bit of Walken casting is even more bizarre than his role in Balls of Fury, if you can believe it. Yep, that's right kids, ol' Chris is lending his trademark stilted dialogue and bizarre inflections to the Prince of Darkness himself...OZZY OSBOURNE!!! But wait, there's more, the actual project he's doing it for is....oh man, this is just too good to ruin. Click here to see for yourself. This is going to be genius. Thank God for Christopher Walken.

Line Up Ladies!

So this morning I went to my Ear, Nose, & Throat Doctor for an allergy screening. After getting stabbed in the arms with over 100 syringes, it turns out I'm allergic to just about every damned thing on this planet. Dust? Check. Cats? Check. Mold? Check. Republicans? Check. (Hey, it's an imperfect science, okay?)

Anyway, lately I've been doing the "cover letter/resume/wait for a rejection letter" routine, but in between that nonsense, I've been able to catch up on the awesome Battlestar Galactica DVD's. I remember watching the miniseries when it aired back in 2003, but I lost track of the series when I moved to an apartment without cable during the first season.

This weekend Grace Park, the smokin' hot Asian actress that plays "Boomer" on the show is appearing at a local Sci-Fi Convention. Sadly, my friends want to go on Saturday to see William Shatner's speech, and Grace is only going to be there on Sunday.

It's no great loss though, because the only reason I'm going is to see Jewel Staite, who plays my dream girl Kaylee on Firefly. *sighhhhh*

Wow, I just wrote a blog about an allergy test, unemployment, and a Sci-Fi convention. The answer is "yes" ladies, I'm single! The line starts your left, grab a ticket and no shoving please.